第1篇

　●家庭介绍□ 杨 宏□神奇0401/滨河小学四年级

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　My Family
　　I am a girl.I'm in Binhe primary school.I learn English at SHinkii English School.
　　I'm not tall and not thin.I'm 140 centimetres, 30 kilogrammes. I'm a nice girl.
　　My face looks like a red apple.I have a small mouth and big eyes.I can play the piano and draw pictures.
Do you know something about my family? There are four people in my family. My father is a doctor,my mother is a teacher,my brother is a student.I am a pupil.They love me very much, and I love them, too.

　　This is my smalldog.Its name is Zaizai.It has two big eyes,a small nose and a big mouth.It's beantiful.It's my good friend!

　　名师评点：这是一篇介绍自己家庭的短文，杨宏同学才学习英语8个月，已经写得很好了。这篇英文语言没有大问题，人物和动物刻画惟妙惟肖，好像能看得到一个俏皮girl的和淘气的dog,说明作者善于观察和语言表达。写英语作文，除了应用英语文字能力之外，作者 在构思上挺有新意，她没有忘记自己家里还有一个重要成员，可爱的小狗。注意，在作文中动物、植物等人格化，是思想表达，文章增色的重要手段。

第2篇

　● 申 祺 □ 神奇0401/小学迎泽小学五年级

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　My school
　　I leam English at Shinkiii English School. Our school is next to the famous plastic company.You can go there by t bus No 808.

　　There are 15 stundents in my classroom. They are my good friends. Yang Hong ? She is a beautiful girl. Her face is very clean. She is about 156 centmetres. Ying Hoaxing? Her eyes are very big and black.. Song Diya ?She has a small mouth.They are sweet girls. I love them. Mr Chang is our English teacher. He is very interesting. He has long legs, big eyes and big head. He always talks with us in English in our classroom. He often tells us intereing English or Chinese stories.We love him very much.He is an artist,too.Because he likes drawing on the board and in our notebooks.

　　This is our Shinkiii English School.Come here! Welcom you!

　　名师评点：在8个月之前，作者除了在小学里不规律的学习之外，几乎就没有正面接触过英语，因为她有一个过于谨慎的妈妈。但是现在放心了。一个腼腆的女孩，终于可以用学过的英语表达自己的想法了。因为她的汉语很好，因为汉英互译要诀也很好，所以英语很好。但是写作的时候，一定要注意文章的布局。

第3篇

　●公园游记/阴浩亮 神奇0302/37中初二

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Sunny Day

　　Today is a sunny day.I went to the Yingze Park with Mr Jing.
　　There were many people here. Flowers were coming out. The trees were green. The birds were flying in the blue sky. Many children were fooding pigeons under trees. Some people were boating .They were very happy.

　　After sometime we walked down the Rainbow Bridge and climbed a hill.We sat on stones on the top of the hill for a while,then we came down to the lakeside. Some fishermen were fishing. We can see fish swimming in the water.They swim here and there .They were beautiful and smart.

　　Then we came to the White Houses on the grass and took some pictures .

　　The sun was setting. We went back to our classroom. We had a good time.

　　名师评点：两个月前，阴浩亮同学几乎不敢用英语来表达自己的思路。但是60天后，就发生了变化。因为他现在有了把英语单词排列成句子的武器——《神奇Be-v模式汉英快速互译16要诀视表》，基本可以灵活应用。这样就可以应用脑子里积攒的单词表达自己的思想了。由于该同学有一定写作基础和一定单词量，所以借助于双语互译口诀，能够表达比较丰富的思想。

第4篇

　●朋友介绍□陈加熙□神奇电话辅导/运城小学四年级

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　My Friend Rose
　　Rose is a nice girl in our class.

　　She is in Row Two.She is not too tall and not too short. She is not too fat and not too thin. Maybe , she is a little fat? She has a round face like an apple. He has a small nose and big black eyes. Her mouth is small, too. Her hair is black.

　　Rose has many hobbies.She likes music. She likes little animals. She likes playing piano.

　　She likes his little brown dog, and she loves us. We are good friends.

　　名师评点：这是一个特殊的学生，因为是一个通过电话、个人网址授课的学生，10岁。王加熙同学通过朋友得知神奇英语教学方法以后，特意带着孩子来太原。父女经过基础培训，然后经常通过电话、网上联系的方式，接受方法指导。由于始终不脱离课本，所以成绩很好。这一篇远道而来的作文,思路清晰，口诀套用灵活，语句流畅。

第5篇

　　● 游玩公园 □ 夏雨晨 □ 神奇0202/铁二小四年级

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Yingze Park

　　Yingze Park is very big and very beautiful. Look ! The green trees are big and tall. Some birds are singing in the trees.They are young and happy. The birds fly down and play on the grass. The birds want to play with us very much. Two bees are dancing in the flowers. Some fish are swimming in the water,and they want to dance with us, too. I like looking at them.

　　Look ! What are those boys doing there? They are playing in front of a big tree. We all like playing in a park. But we should protect the plants in the park. We shouldn't walk on the grass. We shoulddn't climb the trees or pick flowers. We also shoulddn't litter the grass.

　　We like our park very much.

　　名师评点：作者记述的是一次神奇英语学校的英语课外实践活动。可以看出 小作者是一个善于观察生活的细心人。由于他能够熟练运用《神奇Be-v模式汉英快速互译16要诀》，所以写出的英文句子，能够比较细腻地表达自己见到的，想到的。说明小作者能够把握要诀点出的两种语言互通的迷津所在。

第6篇

　　●母子对话□谷争达□神奇0401/ 八一 小学五年级

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　What Time Is It?

　　Mother: 　What time is it?
　　Son:　　　It's six o'clock..
　　Mother: 　It's time to go to get up.
　　　　　　　What time is it?
　　Son:　　　It's seven o'clock.
　　Mother: 　It's time for breakfast.
　　　　　　　What time is it?
　　Son:　　 It's eight o'clock. I can't take it anymore!
　　　　　　　My dear mother!
　　Mother: 　But it's time to go to school!
　　Son:　　　My dear mother!I can't take it anymore!

　　名师评点：这是一篇非常出色的英语作文。读一读，小对话哪一个句子不是很简单很熟悉，可表达出来的思想可真是不简单！表现在①对话的巧妙构思。②普通语言的巧妙运用。写英语作文最容易出现的错误是英语汉化。小作者机敏地设计出一对矛盾，表现了出母亲过分强调学习，反而导致孩子反感的愚蠢现象。做父母亲的，你读懂了语言，可是能读懂孩子的心思吗？

第7篇

　　●班级情况 □王宇博 □ 神奇0401/青年路小学二年级

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Our Classroom

　　Look! There are 64 children in our classroom. There are 32 boys and 32 girls. There is a board on the wall. There are some chairs and desks. There is a pencil-box on my desk. There are pencils in my pencil-box. It's time to go home.

　　See your tomorrow.

　　名师评点：这个小作者只有8岁，我们不能有太多的苛求，英语表达水平接近母语了，应该为他而高兴！尽管只有简简单单几句英语，但足以体现出活泼的性格特征。应用语言的最突出表现就是突破模仿，表达自己，从语言到内容表现出作者的个性特征。没有这个意义的语言学习，永远没有提升的可能性，更谈不上语言进步和思维的完善。这个小作文还不错。

第8篇

　　●课外实践□李雁桥□ 神奇0201/青年路小学五年级

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　A lively English class

　　Spring comes. In the park, the trees are green, the sky is blue, the flowers bloom, the birds are singing happily in the trees. Spring is beautiful.

　　On Sunday, it is sunny and warm. Mr Jing leads us to Yingze Park and there we speak English.

　　There are many people in the park, the old people are doing exexcise, the children are playing games. Look! Some are climbing, some are fishing, some are fiying kites. Everyone looks very happy.

　　First, Mr Jing lets us watch grasses and leaves. They are turning green, their colour is pretty.We sit on the stones near the lake, and talk with each other in English. Then we walk for a long time and feel tired. We have a rest in a gallery. All of us talk with Mr Jing in English.

　　名师评点：这个英语小作文层次清楚，语言表达明确。小作者通过对迎泽公园景色、人物活动，表现出春天的美丽。然而，更为美好的，是我们在美好的春天里，开展了一次有意义的英语教学实践活动。所以小作者不无自豪地说“We have a good time. We are very happy.”很难想象，３个月前，一个对英语疯狂背失去兴趣的孩子，３个月后，不仅重新捡起对英语的爱好，还能写出很有思路的文章。这个转变真了不起。孩子最大的体会是，现在能够做到背过的单词能写出来，写出来的单词能通过神奇的双语互译口诀，整合为表达自己思想的句子。

第9篇

　　●夏雨晨
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 Yingze Park

　　It's a sunny and beautiful day. My father ,mather and I go to Yingze Park.

　　Yingze Park is very big and very beautiful. Look ! The green trees are big and tall. Some birds are singing in the trees.They are young and happy. The birds fly down and play on the grass. The birds want to play with us very much. Two bees are dancing in the flowers. Some fish are swimming in the water,and they want to dance with us, too. I like looking at them.

　　look ! What are those boys doing there? They are playing in front of a big tree. We all like playing in a park. But we should protect the plants in the park. We shouldn't walk on the grass. We shoulddn't climb the trees or pick flowers. We also shoulddn't litter the grass.

　　We like our park very much.

　　名师评点：小作者是一个善于观察生活的细心人。由于他能够熟练运用《神奇Be-v模式汉英快速互译16要诀》，所以写出英文句子，能够比较细腻地表达自己见到的，想到的。说明小作者能够把握要诀点出的两种语言互通的迷津所在。一个11岁的孩子，能做到这一点,很了不起。

第10篇

　　●公园情趣 / 太原试验小学四年级 阴娟 9岁

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　In The Yingze Park

　　Today we go to the Yingze Park.

　　We see many flowers on the grass in the park. Some flowers are blue, some flowers red, some flowers are pink. They are beautiful.

　　We come to the Yingze Lake. A bridge is over the lake. The bridge is old and beautiful. There many fish swimming in the water. Some fishmen are fishing. Some people are looking at them.

　　Look! The fish are swimming here and there. One fish wants the fish food. Two fish want the fish food,too. They think this is their supper.The fishman is very happy to see this! POOR fish!

　　It's 6 pm. It's time to go back to our classroom. We have a good time.

　　名师评点：一双会思考的眼睛多么重要。有这样的眼睛，善于应用学习过的英语句子，把公园里见到的印象最深的，和想到的表现出来，就是一片英语作文。没有必要把英语写作看得过于神秘。

　　在这篇作文里，到处洋溢着小作者天真活泼的性格特征，更为重要的是，我们从字里行间看到幼小而善良的心在跳动。在人与鱼的生死游戏中，小作者担心小鱼的无知“They think this is their supper”，同时又为他们随时可能被钓鱼人钓走的悲惨命运而发出 “POOR fish!”的感叹。这样的眼睛观察世界就很有意义。

　　我们都来锻炼一双会思考的眼睛。

第11篇

　　●我爱我家 /桃南小学四年级 阴皓星

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Our House
　　Look! This is our house.

　　There is a telephone, a table, a television, a clock, a sofa and four armchairs in the living room.
My bedroom is over there. There is a bed, a table, a box, a clock and a piano in my bedroom. There is a lamp on the table.

　　There are four people in my family. They’re my father, my mother, my brother and me. My father is a driver. My brother is a student. I??m a pupil. I can draw well. I want to be a teacher when I grow up.
I’m eleven years old. I have long hair and big dark eyes. I’m 140 centimetres. I??m 45 kilogrammes. My phone number is 4137629.

　　名师评点：把学习过的知识当作自己的积木块，灵活调动组合，非常重要。10岁，能够熟练运用《神奇模式汉英快速互译16要诀》非常了不起。更重要的是， 阴皓星同学善于运用学习过的课本资料，把它们当作自己写文章的积木，根据构思来回调整，就轻松表达了自己的思想，形成一片出色的文章。所以，要写英语文章，其实也不难，一是英语基本的语法表达技巧。不在乎你的语言多么华丽，关键是能不能运用常用的句式表达一个意思。第二个是资料的调遣组合技巧。许多同学写英语作文，觉得很难，难在用汉语思考作文时，语言思路是汉语的，措辞是汉语的，可是写起来用的思维却是英语的，英语单词和词汇用很有限，所以就难。第三个就是文章构思技巧。英语的表达和词汇毕竟有限，但巧妙使用它们，效果就不一样了。围绕一篇作文的构思，许多个简单句子缀合起来，就是一个内容丰富、主体突出的文章。

第12篇

　　●关于我家 / 青年路小学四年级 张佳奇

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　My Family

　　My name is Zhang Jiaqi. I??m ten. I??m a boy. I??m a pupil.

　　There are five people in my family. They are my mather, my father, my grandfather, my grandmother and me. My father is a policeman.My mother is a nurse.

　　There are five rooms in our house. Look , This is our living room.This is our bathroom. This is my bedroom. This is our dining room.This is our kitchen.

　　I love my family.I can draw well. I want to be an artist when I grow up.

　　名师点评：这位小作者刚刚接触英语，从作文的句子结构就能看得出来。但正是文章的结构，特别是短小整齐的句子，看到他的个性，单纯而又简洁。可以这样说，作文里的所有句子都来源于所学过的教材，但又是做了手术的。看上去很随意，但就是这么小小的变化，然后连缀起来，就表达了自己的想法，展示了自己的风格。真的很有意思。希望这位同学把机智的才华能够发挥更好。

第13篇

　　●我爱我家/青年路小学五年级 路润泽

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Our New House

　　Look, this is our new house. It's on the third floor.

　　There are two bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom and a living room in it. There is a bed, a desk, a bookcase and a lamp in it. There are two end tables near the bed. The computer is on the desk. The books are on the bookcase. The trash box is behind the door. There is a picture over the bed. There is a new air-conditioner.
I love our new house very much.It's small and nice.

　　点评：这篇作文显然是一气呵成，恐怕没有经过多少改动。虽然应用的句式有些简单，但是字里行间都充满着对“新家”的热爱和自豪。对于文章开头和结尾处理比较好，简明扼要。

运城赛区

第14篇

　　●喜爱的季节/ 运城市大吕中学 乔丹萍

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　My Favorite Season

　　There are four seasons in a year.Which season do you like best?
　　Let me tell you.My favorite season is winter because my birthday is in winter, and I can get lots of gifts. And at that time I can make a snowman with my friends outside.

　　I don't like summer. It's too hot to live inside and outside and it always rains. We can't go out and have to stay at home. It's really boring. But some people like summer because they can wear their favorite T-shirts. And they can swim in swimming pool.

　　Can you tell me what your favorite season is?

　　名师评点：这位同学的参赛作文，并没有一味地写自己怎么喜欢winter 这个季节。而是采用了两个表达手法。一个使用事实表达，因为my birthday is in winter, and I can get lots of gifts.和 I can make a snowman with my friends outside。第二个手法是对比，It's too hot to live inside and outside and it always rains. 通过这样的手段基本把自己的主题表达清楚了。作文中既展示了巧妙的思维，又闪耀着一片童心。

第15篇

　　●喜爱的老师/ 运城市大吕中学 马芳丹

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Mr Wang

　　Mr Wang is from Yuncheng. He is not tall and not short. He is twenty five years old. He is shy and serious. He is our English teacher. He teaches us English very well. He is strict with us.But we all like him very much.

　　 名家评点：这是一篇短小精干的小作文。可能局限于词汇量，但是可以看得出来，表达自己热爱的英语老师的努力显然有了效果。思路比较通畅，句子比较通顺。希望使用英语的胆子再大一些。

第16篇

　　●喜欢的闹钟/神奇英语学校分校运城大吕中学 席元元 12

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　My Clock

　　I'm Xi Yuanyuan. I'm thirteen. I'm a middle school student in Dalu Middle School. I study very hard, and I don't like to be late. So my mother bought me a clock.

　　The clock is on the table near my bed. It's not big, but it's very nice.It looks like a dog. There are two big black eyes and a red nose.It has two long arms, but it has no log. It speaks English very well. Every morning, at five o'clock, it says“Get up，baby! Get up，baby!”It doesn't stop shouting at me until I get up and shut off its mouth.

　　I love my clock.I study hard and it works hard.It's my best friend.

　　名师点评：把没有生命的东西赋予生命，人就能够与之交流，使之灵活表达更多的意义。小作者对自己心爱的钟表进行了细致的描述，但又不局限于客观描述。I study very hard, and I don't like to be late。

　　这只钟表不仅样式可笑， 更重要的是，It speaks English very well.它除了“长得”有个性之外，说话也有个性，它把作者称之为baby,说“Get up，baby! Get up，baby!”其幽默有趣的性格一下子表达了出来。我们还能认为这是一只普通钟表吗？显然是与作者一样是一个有生命的“人”。

　　所以，文章结尾使用“I study hard and it works hard.”来表述作者与钟表和谐亲密关系，并由衷感叹“ I love my clock.”已经水到渠成。说这是一篇比较成功的小短文，一点也不为过。希望小作者不断锤炼形象思维，大胆发挥想象力,表达自己，才华就一定会应你而生了。

第17篇

　　●精彩对话/神奇英语学校忻州分校 董莉 9岁

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　My Teachers

　　　　　　Zhang: IWe have three new teachers
　　　　　　John: Who are they?
　　　　　　Zhang: An art teacher, an English teacher and an math teacher.
　　　　　　John: Who's your math teacher?
　　　　　　Zhang: She's a girl from Canada.
　　　　　　John: What's she like?
　　　　　　Zhang:She's tall and thin.She's very young. She's very beautiful.
　　　　　　John: Maybe she is my sister.
　　　　　　Zhang:Really?! What's your sister's name?
　　　　　　John: Ann.
　　　　　　Zhang:Oh! Sh's really your sister!

　　名师评点：写好对话很不容易，需要设计一点悬念。生活当中,课堂上经常发生一些令人捧腹大笑，同时很有意义的对话，但在写作时灵感就不知道躲到哪里去了，好像作文更生活是两张皮。其实，丰富多彩的生活资料那里能用的完呢。生活永远比你写出来的东西精彩。
　　小作者采取层层脱皮的写法，使本来一般的对话值得一读。先设计John问What's she like?因为仅从She's a girl from Canada还很难判断出She是谁；接着作者又设计She's tall and thin.She's very young. She's very beautiful.John就可以推出个大概：Maybe she is my sister.这还不足以证明She是John的妹妹。作者再设计一个情节，巧妙把对话推到高潮：Really?! What's your sister's name?到这里，国籍、相貌和名字都对号了，对话结尾就自然得出了结论：Oh! She 's your sister!
这段对话很了不起！作者能够把散落在生活中的一般话语，经过精心挑选和组合，编成有趣的对话，不讲技巧肯定不行。

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